Book Review: Black Bird

This cover should've been my first warning.

I've been seeing this manga, Black Bird by Kanoko Sakurakoji, advertised on the sidebars of a lot of webcomics I read. It was paired with Vampire Knight which I wholly acknowledge is junk, but is fairly well written and plot intensive junk filled with adorabe, emotionally scarred boys whose continued misery fills me with sadistic glee. But I digress.

This was not Vampire Knight by a long shot. It fills me with such annoyance and slight revulsion that I must share before I can forget it. Let's get this review over with.

There is a world of myth and magic that intersects ours, and only a special few can see it. Misao Harada is one such person, and she wants nothing to do with magical realms. She just wants to have a normal high school life and maybe get a boyfriend. All that changes one day when Misao is attacked by a demon. Her childhood friend Kyo suddenly returns to save her and tend to her cuts--with his tongue! It turns out Misao is the bride of prophecy, whose blood gives power to the demon clan who claims her. But most demons want to keep her power for themselves--by eating her! Now Misao is just trying to stay alive...and decide if she likes it when Kyo licks her wounds.

The Good: ...

The Bad: It's a Japanese version of Twilight, only with different clans of demons instead of vampires and werewolves/shape-shifters/whatever. Y'all know how I feel about Twilight, right?

Nooooo! It burns!

The Gory Details:

1. The main character, Misao, takes a page out of Bella Swan's book with the lack of personality, the waffling about what she wants, and oh yes - the klutziness. Misao is perpetually a victim, the prototypical damsel in distress in need of a strong man to save her. The only thing that makes her remarkable is the deus ex machina of her being the "Bride of Prophecy" which makes her the speshulist snowflake in all the land. Her tasty blood - peaches this time instead of freesia - inspires all the nearby monsters to want to rape and/or kill her. But lo! she's saved time and again by her childhood friend - who's also a demon - who would also like to sex her up and marry her for the good of his demon clan.

2. The love interest, Kyo, is domineering, controlling, bad tempered and manipulative. But he's loved Misao since they were children and he's just looking out for her best interests, so it's okay. Remind you of anyone? I will say that the author has departed from dear Edward's oh so neurotic character by making Kyo a complete pervert who tries to force himself on his true love at every opportunity, whether she's willing or not. Thus, Kyo is like pretty much every male character in popular shojo manga I've ever encountered: a perverted chauvinist asshat determined to sully the virginal heroine (but is really a nice guy underneath, though the closest we ever come to seeing it is his handsome brooding).

3. All this would bother me less if the story were actually good - or at least well presented. The characters are not compelling, utterly unsympathetic, and the story line is as original as bubbly pink haired cat girls. The scenes shift back and forth jarringly, and reading it, I was almost convinced at times that they were mixing up pages from entirely different chapters.

Conclusion: Look, I enjoy the occasional trashy romances as much as the next girl - my admitted love of Vampire Knight should attest to that, as those relationships are dysfunctional to a degree that would make Freud blush. But is it too much to ask that authors of all cultures present their unhealthy romances with some craft and charisma? Maybe a sprinkle of original ideas? Or at least stop ripping off Twilight so obviously? That's all I want from my book-fluff.

Rating: No mushrooms. None. The art might be good enough for 1/2 a mushroom, but I'm feeling unforgiving tonight.

The Enemy of All Romance,
Maria D.

ETA: On the bright side, should this manga is ever be turned into an anime, it'll make a most excellent AMV of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance."

Where Is October Going???

I had PLANS for blogging this month. They were GLORIOUS plans! Things of BEAUTY and PERFECTION! They are obviously not to be.

This semester midterms are not at the middle of term, but instead are terrible things that stretch from the 4th week of school to the week before finals start. The online writing lab won't send back ANY of my assignments with edits and one of my teachers is grading us in part on whether we follow instructions of the lab editors. The on campus student writing lab is never open anymore, and the new libraries grand opening has been pushed back AGAIN I've heard, so I have no where quiet to study. This is not including my work with the BVAF, my continuing job quest, and personal work on Nevermore and other assorted projects. And I lost my good hat with all my pins and buttons from BEA. Someone kill me now, please.

I'm going to try VERY HARD to do at least SOME of what I was planning in these last two weeks of October. I was such a good idea and I was looking forward to it SO much. *sob* I DO have an editorial I was planning to submit to the school paper, but which I can also publish here. And I have some movies and books I've been meaning to review. And I wanted to tell you all about my very first RPG. But OH GOD WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE???? WHERE???????

Hopelessly Yours,
Maria D.

ETA - the library, at least, is still opening as scheduled. And I just found out that it's a Green building! Totally eco-friendly! And it has a cafe! And seats that haven't been jizzed on! Oh happy day!

NYT Failed Interview Fails

We interrupt this irregularly scheduled blog to bring you a review of this monstrosity: Mona Simpson Quietly Embraces Art

(Go ahead, read that first. All of it. I'll wait.)

(Done? Awesome.)

What the HELL is this, New York Times? Okay, I don't read you often and this may be the standard of writing you publish. But if that's so, then my complaints are the least of what you deserve if you consider that pseudo-intellectual garbage worthy of publication.

The purpose of all mass communication is to inform, entertain, and/or persuade. Can anyone tell me which, if any, purpose the article above serves? This type of writing is what every journalism, creative writing, and ANY English class I've ever taken has taught me to avoid. And seeing an example of it, I have to agree; this is terrible writing.

From an informative perspective, I learn that this woman, Mona Simpson, is an author and has a new book coming out. Normally, I'd expect this article to include somewhere details about this authors body of work, what the new book is about and when it's coming out. But The New York Times is too avante garde to include any of that useless twaddle in such specific terms. We do learn a bit about her upcoming novel, but it's lost in a lecture about the Matisse exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art. Instead, I learn that she currently lives in the uncultured, illiterate slums of California and misses that paragon of civilization known as the Upper West Side. She's divorced, Steve Jobs' well-connected sister, hates Starbucks, and her teenage son won't read her books. In essence, I've read the most prosaic Wikipedia page in existence. Any useful information is lost in a maelstrom of gossipy, irrelevant factoids.

As far as entertainment goes, it failed there as well. It proposes to be a Day-In-the-Life type piece (I assume. It's listed in the fashion section. I suppose it could be a piece detailing how to be a fashionable writer? Martinis, snobbery, and famous siblings are the keys to success?) but it's unfocused and tangential and I'm left disliking an author who, based on this interview, is so condescending and elitist that I'm devoid of any desire to read her books.

From a persuasive angle, how am I to be persuaded? Should I go see the Matisse exhibit?

Fashionably Yours,
Maria D

College Events: The Harrowing

This morning, I took Aurora Delacroix to In the Heights at the Hippodrome in Baltimore. My school was offering steeply discounted tickets for students to the show. As you know, I happen to be a student and Aurora happened to really want to see this show.

Problem 1: Events involved with CCBC invariably skirt disaster and catastrophe. If they say a bus to an event will leave at 8, it will really leave at 9 (as was the case for the leadership retreat I went to in January and which I said I'd blog about but didn't oh well, kthxbai.). Knowing this, Aurora and I said no when Lisa at the Office of Student Life asked if we'd be taking the bus.

Lisa handed us our tickets and we turned to go - until she said: "These are just 'reservation tickets.' The teacher will have the real tickets and you'll get them from her at the theater."

O-kay. THIS would end well.

I wake up this morning at six, after a harrowing night of Stolen Cat trying to burrow a hole in my chest - so that she can be closer to my warm, loving, tasty heart, you see - and nightmares of not getting into the show because I didn't fill out the schools health form (oh, but when I dream about necromancy and cannibalism, I sleep deep and easy. My head is a fucked up place to be sometimes. And I DID print out and fill out the health forms...which they never bothered to collect. Right. Whatever.).

Aurora and I get to the Hippodrome around 9. We are entirely too excited since neither of us have ever been to the Hippodrome before (though supposedly my Pop-pop danced there in the vaudeville shows a million years ago) and we were there to see a Broadway show about Latinos. Who doesn't like to see their ethnicity win Tony Awards?

But when we get there, we're met by another CCBC student who chose to drive themselves and arrived early. She's in an argument with some of the Hippodrome staff. She's trying to get in with the reservation ticket, and they don't know anything about the college coming in a group, and they're beginning to think CCBC is selling scalp tickets to students or something.

Let me just say that I love CCBC. It has some great teachers and upper admin really cares about the students. But the line of communication is of such a great degree of fail that offices, departments, and students alike pretty regularly take advantage of the school and everyone involved. In short, I could totally believe that Student Life would sell forged tickets to students and pocket the proceeds. Harsh, but true.

I manage to diffuse the situation with Aurora's help. These are reservation tickets, the teacher will exchange them for real tickets whenever he/she gets here, didn't take bus, no clue when they're getting here, look I don't make the rules, that's just what they told me, is that a Starbucks over there, okay we'll just wait. The nice staff at the theater then validated my own thoughts that this was a really stupid and needlessly complicated plan. Why couldn't someone from the school just call and tell them to expect the reservation tickets and set aside real ones at Will Call for when people showed up? That way, no one has to sit outside in the seat-free box office and wait for the teacher and the bus. I don't know. I just go to school there.

Aurora and I plopped at the Starbucks on the corner for more coffee and second breakfast (1st cherry danish, 2nd cheese and fruit) and I watched for the appearance of a CCBC bus. No such bus appeared, but we eventually gave up and walked back across the street to see if SOMETHING could be arranged so I hadn't wasted $75.

Amid a throng of private high school students in plaid short skirts and knee socks, we forced our way to a door and asked if any CCBC students were there. The staff was great and understanding and worked very hard to make some sense of the mess. At that moment, however, I finally saw one of the teachers from the leadership retreat in January. SHE HAD TICKETS. Doors opened, choirs of angels sang, the head seraph played a bitchin' guitar solo.

Not really. But I DID get orchestra seats to my new favorite musical. More on that later...maybe...if I feel like it.

Maria from the Barrio

Scientology Has the Worst Week Ever!

It has been a very bad week for Scientology so far. And to think, it's only Tuesday!

Scientologists convicted of Fraud

Paul Haggis Renounces Church of Scientology in Blistering Letter

Personally, I find Scientology a very fishy religion. But then again, I'm generally against all organized religion anyway, so my opinion really doesn't count for much. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll be sitting here, looking at my 0 comments.

Wicked: Witch and Curse

You know this type of book. Everyone encounters it eventually. It's in your favorite genre. The plot seems to be compelling. The characters, tragic and/or complicated. The cover is AWESOME. The book itself: FAIL. Such was my experience with Wicked: Witch and Curse.

I love stories about witches. Absolutely adore them. So when I saw Wicked: Witch and Curse sitting in the YA section a few months ago, I had to give it a look. I sat on the floor of that Borders for two hours trying to understand what I was reading. Eight months later, I still want those two hours back.

Holly Cathers's world shatters when her parents are killed in a terrible accident. Wrenched from her home in San Francisco, she is sent to Seattle to live with her relatives, Aunt Marie-Claire and her twin cousins, Amanda and Nicole.

In her new home, Holly's sorrow and grief soon give way to bewilderment at the strange incidents going on around her. Such as how any wish she whispers to her cat seems to come true. Or the way a friend is injured after a freak attack from a vicious falcon. And there's the undeniable, magnetic attraction to a boy Holly barely knows.

Holly, Amanda, and Nicole are about to be launched into a dark legacy of witches, secrets, and alliances, where ancient magics yield dangerous results. The girls will assume their roles in an inter-generational feud beyond their wildest imaginations...and in doing so, will attempt to fulfill their shared destiny.

Admittedly, I only got about 50 or 60 pages into the first book, Witch, before I gave up with a massive headache and a general sense of disappointment. Those 50 or 60 pages were a chore. The story still seemed like it could be good. But the writing was so sloppy that there was no way to tell. The first few chapters flash back and forth between Holly's character, her star-crossed love interest, and past lives or early coven members. It was incredibly distracting, uncomfortably written, and I can only assume the rest of the book follows suit. Also, lots and lots of french thrown in at random. I did not appreciate that.

I'm willing to believe that it's a good story. But the writing is too...schizophrenic for me to get into it. Luckily, my faith in witchy YA was restored a few weeks later with the discovery of War of the Witches by Maite Carranza(review coming only by request).

I'm glad other people have enjoyed these books, but I won't be among them.

My Rating: 1 out of 5 Mushrooms

October Horrorscopes

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. We recommend moving to Libya. They seem to treat the dying very well.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your significant other is really a werewolf. Haven’t you noticed how much they like that new Shakira song?

Aries (March 20 – April 19)

The stars advise you to share that sandwich with me. Seriously.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Someday, the world will realize your genius and bestow upon you all the fame and adoration which you deserve. That day is not today. Tomorrow doesn’t look too good either.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Your quest for a meaningful relationship will once again be thwarted by your early onset balding. The stars advise you to start investing in Rogaine.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Dropping out of school and quitting your job to become a professional, full-time World of Warcraft player will not bring you the accolades and glory you seek. However, it WILL bring you a lifetime of Meals on Wheels donations and a listing on dontdatehimgirl.com.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The cosmos demands you bring it a shrubbery!

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

HA! Your Twilight addiction has gotten the best of you. Instead of writing that essay question about Aristotle and his ‘forms,’ you wrote about the vampire wars of the south. The stars guarantee that your professor will not be amused.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

DON’T EAT THE MUFFINS!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The stars say you do NOT want to go to that Halloween party down the street. But if you do go, you should NOT tell those guys from one of the UMCP fraternities that your sign is Scorpio not matter how often they ask or how cute they are. But if you do, you should NOT drink the punch. But if you do, you should NOT go with your friends to that tattoo parlor behind the Krispy Kreme. But if you do, do NOT get in the chair. But if you do, you should avoid wearing a thong ever again, because if anyone ever sees that tattoo on your left butt cheek of the scorpion playing a banjo with Mickey Mouse ears on, you will never, EVER live it down.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your charming personality and dazzling wit will win the respect and friendship of many. Your constant mooching and free-loading at lunch will lose them.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You had the opportunity to take over the world this month, but you got distracted by Mafia Wars on Facebook.

Life Without A Lifemate

I’m on a number of social networking sites, and on some of these, there are introduction threads. On one of these, they asked us state our long term goals and I wrote what I considered to be the basics.

• graduate from college,
• get a job I don’t hate,
• write and publish books,
• hold the leaders of the free world hostage and make them listen to Abba,
• beat Stephenie Meyer with a hard back copy of Breaking Dawn in a pillow case.

You know, the important stuff. But apparently I missed the memo. The one that says somewhere in the long-term goals section, a girl must list the desire to marry and procreate.

Just to set the record straight, I’m not going to say that the idea of finding a nice guy, having a big party to celebrate the finding of said guy, and making little people out of our combined genetic material doesn’t sound like a potentially good time. But as a child of divorce, I also recognize that it could be a potentially disastrous time! And I think it’s a bit stupid to plan my life around that possibility.

What really irks me about it is that it carries the unspoken understanding that, if you don’t have these – a partner and children – your life has less meaning, less worth, than someone who does. For some reason, your life is not complete until you have these things. Admittedly, men do feel this pressure too. But I haven’t noticed it being quite as intense as it is for women. For my brother, the question is ‘don’t you want a girl friend?’ For me, the question tends to be ‘don’t you want a husband?’ For guys, there is an implication of impermanence; that girls are transitory. Women are burdened with permanence; we have to lure in a man, beat him over the head with our rolling pins, and drag him to our happy home.

I want to know why can’t we all just follow our respective bliss’? What’s wrong with writing my stories, starting my small business, having some good friends, and being happy with that? If I find someone I want to spiritually, economically, and emotionally tie myself to for the rest of my life, then YAY ME. But I refuse to be burdened with societies’ judgment that I have failed at life because I lack a significant other. Marriage is a wonderful institution. I’m just not ready to be institutionalized.

Angels and Demons: Movie Review

In Angels and Demons, the sequel to the 2006 hit The Da Vinci Code, Tom Hanks reprises his role as Dr. Robert Langdon, a symbologist who is no friend to the church. However, the Vatican turns to him for help after four cardinals are kidnapped. The kidnapper? Apparently a member of the Illuminati, a group of thinkers once persecuted by the Catholic Church and thought to have been long gone. Clues have been left, revealing where the cardinals will be executed, but Robert Langdon must decode them first. Thrown into the mix is a stolen container of anti-matter produced by the Large Hadron Collider, which will explode when the battery –which powers the container and keeps the anti-matter suspended – runs out of power, causing the anti-matter to fall out of suspension and touch matter.

This leads to a massive chase around Vatican City, as Dr. Langdon, the hot scientist lady looking for her lost container of anti-matter, and dozens of police who don’t need names, search for the cardinals before they’re killed. And hopefully, maybe, possibly, they’ll find that pesky container of anti-matter that’s going to explode too.

While this is all going on, the pope has died and cardinals from all over the world are conferring in St. Pete’s Basilica to decide who the next pope will be. This means that Vatican City is crowded to capacity with believers from all over the world, waiting for the new pope to be chosen. So, mix a secret society bent on revenge, kidnappings and murders of important religious figures, controversial science with explosive potential, Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, and lots of pretty shots of Vatican City together and you get a movie masterpiece, right? Not quite.

The Good: The director, and the cast. Ron Howard once again produces a visually stunning film and condenses a rather long and drawn out book in a way that catches all the important bits and cuts most of the annoying fat. Tom Hanks somehow makes Dr. Robert Langdon almost likable. This is an impressive feat, as Robert Langdon of the book is Super Nerd with his secret identity, the Most Boring Man Alive. Ewan McGregor plays a rather confusing character, Camerlengo Patrick McKenna, with as much grace and believability as possible. The kidnapper and assassin is played by Nikolaj Lie Kaas and is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting characters in the entire movie. I left the theater wishing that he’d gotten more attention. A back story about why he was the way he was would have been appreciated.

The Bad: The story. In spite of all the running around and the panic, there were a few times when the dragged and I was, quite simply, bored. While the plot is set up to evoke edge-of-your-seat panic, it’s just not there. Part of it I blame on the characters. There is no emotional connection to make us care about what happens to the main characters, nor is there much reason to dislike the antagonists. Instead, we care more about the side characters such as the police or the assassin, than anyone whom the story focuses attention on. Also, Dan Brown’s “the Church is EVIL” message is becoming a tad overdone. It’s become a fad. Can he demonize some other aspect of society now?

Final Thoughts: Overall, I thought this movie did a really good job considering the source material. I wouldn’t buy it, but I might order it from Netflix some weekend.

Oh Yeah, The Book: Um... yeah... Do yourself a favor and skip the book. It gave me a headache. Watch the movie if you're curious. It's all there minus confusion and unnecessary romance. AND the horrible writing. Just, don't go there. Don't.

The Wizard Has No Heart for Inkheart

Inkheart tells the tale of Mo and Meggie Folchart, a father and daughter team of bookbinders. Mo and Meggie’s lives are quiet ones until, on one of their travels for Mo’s job, the past catches up to them. Dustfinger, an acquaintance of Mo’s from years before, comes to pursued Mo to give him something – a book – before Capricorn finds Mo and collects the book and Mo himself. As these people with strange names begin to invade her and her fathers lives, Meggie not only finds herself in situations she’s only read about before, but discovers that there is more going on between the covers of a book than just what’s written on the page.

Inkheart is cast as close to perfectly as I’ve ever seen in a book adaptation. Eliza Bennett and Helen Mirren are Meggie and Elinor, and Paul Bettany as Dustfinger surprised me as the movie progressed with his ability to capture his characters desperation. Andy Serkis is not Capricorn from the book but is still an interesting and compelling villain. The scenery is not as stunning as in Narnia or the Harry Potter movies - the movie doesn’t require such a grand scale as most of the conflict is among the characters – but it fits the tone of the movie and doesn’t detract from the action. Nevertheless, Inkheart is why books should never be made into movies.

I was anticipating that Inkheart wouldn’t be the same story I loved. I anticipated that Meggie and Mo’s powers would be out in the open from the very start to save time. I anticipated a plot and characters completely different from the books’, carrying only the title, the names of my beloved characters. I anticipated a completely different story, fitted together with a few chopped up key plot points that bared a vague resemblance to the book. I was braced for everything but what I got.

Inkheart is the result of when studios listen to fans when they say they want a straight adaptation of the book – or at least as close an adaptation as they can get. It doesn’t work and Inkheart illustrates perfectly why. All the thoughts and emotions the characters feel, and the memories and events which prompt them, are too numerous and complex to move easily to screen. And in stories such as this, which are epic and fantastical in nature, it ends up feeling trite and kitschy.

In one attempt to condense some of the more superfluous parts of the book, The Wizard of Oz was used to fill the role of several other less famous books. This sounds good in theory. In fact, it sounds brilliant in theory, considering the parallels in both books about people traveling to different worlds. In practice, however, it falls flat of being meaningful or inventive and instead feels contrived and cheesy.

In short, the movie tries too hard to be the book; it follows the plot almost exactly, but the few changes they make are ones which change the mood and attitudes of characters in ways which damage the story rather than enhance it.

Inkheart is based on the book of the same name by Cornelia Funke, author of The Thief Lord, The Dragon Rider, and the Inkheart Trilogy, Inkheart, Inkspell, and Inkdeath. And as always, this is in my college newspaper.

Wait, I thought they were Chicken of the Sea?

Welcome 2009. What do I greet you with? Craziness from PETA.

Look, I support a lot of stuff. And saving the environment is pretty damn important. But sea kittens are not the way to do it and be taken seriously. I mean, really PETA. SEA KITTENS? Weren't you trying to get the world to accept you as a legitimate organization NOT made up of marijuana saturated neo-hippies? This is not the way.

Saving 140-year old lobsters named George, on the other hand, earns my full support. Viva la Lobsters!!!