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was sold to gypsies as a small child for half a tank of gas and a kitten. She was quickly, if not easily, retrieved by her mother after the kitten was revealed to be an Eldrich horror looking for a ride into the nearest metropolitan area to begin wreaking havoc. It's been a bone of contention between Maria and her family ever since, whether the Horror-kitten would've been more or less trouble than she grew up to be.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Woman on Woman Crime

Women beware. I have seen the face of the enemy and she is us.

Allow me to introduce you to the Queen Bee and the Female Chauvinist Pig. If you haven’t already met, trust me, you will.

The Queen Bee: She’s the woman who has succeeded. She is queen of her domain. Man has no mastery over her. She stands as a testament to the ideals of feminism; that a woman can be boss and do it just as well if not better than a man. And she will KILL any woman who tries to do the same anywhere near her. Think Highlander: there can be only one.

I’ve been employed by these women and fired by them unfailingly. You cannot have a better idea than her. You cannot have an idea before she does. In fact, you’d better stop thinking right now and get comfortable looking small and unthreatening. If you’re younger than the Queen Bee, she’ll make your life Hell for existing; doubly so if there are any male coworkers. If you’re older than the Queen Bee and have an education level equal to or higher than her, ditto. These women are on power trips and nothing will stop them. Queen Bees are frequently found in the public school system, working as principles and English teachers. If you’re a smart student, it also sucks rocks to be in their class.

Female Chauvinist Pigs declare that raunchy is the same thing as liberated. They will tell you to go on Girls Gone Wild; that any consequences are because the world doesn’t respect women and their sexuality. They believe that showing disproportionately large breasted girls in bikinis jumping on trampolines to the cheering of lascivious, testosterone poisoned men - The Man Show, I’m looking at you – doesn’t objectify women but empowers them. These women subscribe to the belief that to succeed, you must become the stereotypical man.

The Female Chauvinist Pig frequently succeeds in her chosen profession. She’s found most often in entertainment because, let’s be honest, sex sells and it sells well. But while some women hail her as a savior of the gender, and ‘the average man’ proclaims that she ‘gets it,’ she will turn on you in a heartbeat if you dare to suggest that women can be professionally competent and sexually secure without taking classes in stripper etiquette. And let me tell you a secret, female to female; men laugh at these women who think they can grow a dick and be one of the boys. Where is the respect or equality in that?

These women hide under the guise of feminism while they contort and abuse their gender for power. They embody the demonized feminist, touted by conservatives, religious zealots, and everyone who is afraid or disgusted by a woman in charge of her own life. They prove men right when they say that women are unable to hold power in society and give them something to laugh at us over. They make our lives harder while telling us they are our friends. They tear our ideals, hopes and aspirations to shreds when they think no one is looking. But I am looking and you should too.

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